"So, Mr. Smithers, when did you first discover
that your sense of self was just an illusion?"


[Click on Link above]


Testimonials closed.  (All submitted testimonials have been deeply appreciated. However, new testimonials will no longer be added)
Testimonial (Submitted by Paul)

How did it "hit" you? In other words, what triggered the experience (i.e. What were you reading, thinking, etc.)?

It hit me after the "mirror exercise". 

2)  Tell me what happened in detail. What did you experience?

I was laying on the couch and reading when I started to feel dislocated from my reality. It was sort of like feeling numb, physically. Afterwards, nothing seemed real at all, kinda like watching a movie. 

3)  What insight did you gain from this?

I'm rather enjoying how deeply my thoughts are running; my mind's been very stagnant for quite some time and this sudden resurgence of thought provocation is really exciting. A lot of my early assessment of how I felt was, I think slightly inaccurate due to the sheer surprise I felt that the information had the exact effect it stated. I do admit, I was very skeptical about it when I first started reading. Thank you again, so very much for the site. I'm thrilled by this feeling that I have after pouring through the information on the site. I'm not sure how to describe it. I will be reading it over again throughout the night, as my mind is still racing. It's late and I'm still very excited / confused / curious.

Testimonial (Submitted by Mohamed)

1)  How did it "hit" you? In other words, what triggered the experience (i.e. What were you reading, thinking, etc.)?

I was working through some questions Thassa [Staff Member] asked as to the origin and nature of thought and desire.

2)  Tell me what happened in detail. What did you experience?

I realised that I could not recall the original thought that had spawned all subsequent thoughts. All my thoughts, desires and fears that make up who I am have no foundation in reality. I cannot prove that I exist as a separate entity. For when you break down who I essentially think I am, I am no more that a collection of thoughts and beliefs that have developed over time as a consequence of experience. However, the original thought has no origin, therefore there can be no I, no-self. How can I exist, if I cannot recall where I came from? This I is no more than an illusion. 

Initially I felt relief and peace at this, for if I don't exist, I have nothing to do, but be, nothing to strive for, nothing to prove. All my fears and desires are based upon a false premise and can therefore be discarded. However, later I started to feel quite empty, this led to anger and depression. This was due to my ego, the i. I thought I was thinking that I spent all this time looking for the truth, who I was, and there was nothing to find. All that time chasing an illusion, something that doesn't exist. Nothing looking for nothing! These feelings have now passed, the nothing, emptiness that is the source of everything everywhere brings peace. I can feel it in the background all the time.

3)  What insight did you gain from this?

Everything, everywhere is connected by this emptiness, it is our source, it is what everything springs from, it is what makes us one. I know this to be the truth, there is nothing more.

Testimonial (Submitted by Tony)

1)  How did it "hit" you? In other words, what triggered the experience (i.e. What were you reading, thinking, etc.)?

I was lying in the bed and felt really wierd like a lightness that took place at the time.. like there was no fear anymore in my life for about 2 mins. lol.
I realized that tho my body and brain exists, no "i" exists other than ego that thought it was me.

2)  Tell me what happened in detail. What did you experience?

See above.

3)  What insight did you gain from this?

I gained the insight that i just need to let go and relax thru life and let god be in control and not my physical body and mind. In a way i feel like God, and see there's no me.. but can't rise above it or "see where my God self is yet".

Testimonial (Submitted by James)

1)  How did it "hit" you? In other words, what triggered the experience (i.e. What were you reading, thinking, etc.)?

I have been trying to expand my spirituality.  So, I've been surfing youtube videos on spirituality and what not.  Then I saw a link to your page in the comments under a video.  I went there, and honestly you hooked me when you said I might be afraid.  Lol, I’ve been through some freaky stuff.  I went through your page, and did everything that you instructed.  A buddy of mine called to go have coffee, so I was slightly rushed but I read through it all.  The math part didn't have much meaning to me, but I read on.  The sentence “There is no you” really burned into my brain though.  When I read it, inside I knew it was true.
2)  Tell me what happened in detail. What did you experience?
I went through your page and did everything you instructed.  Right at the end of it my buddy called me to go get a cup of coffee.  I went, and while we were sitting there everything seemed strange.  Somehow my identity felt like it had just been dropped.  I just felt like I was kind of observing everything.  Things got all dreamlike and everything seemed more meaningful and real.  The world started talking to me.  Felt like I was nothing yet everything.  That sort of paradox.   

What insight did you gain from this?

I’ve come to the conclusion that everything in this world is not as it seems.  I’ve broken it down before, and I know that the ultimate truth is love.  It has actually come to me twice in a flash of insight.  Something really neat I do sometimes is go for a walk while I’m having the “experience”.  I will use my personal life as a template, and act like the things that I’m seeing have a purpose.  That’s what I mean when I say “the world talks”.  The stuff I come across seems to have a sort of symbolism, and I just go with it.   I will let my mind sort of wander, and usually it’s just revelation after revelation.  Often I’m unable to remember all the things I’ve come to realize, but in my experience they pop back in there when the time comes.  It can be a really scary place also though.  I’m still working on that.  I believe Daniel in the bible was having the same experiences until he learned to surrender.  I think I need to do that almost daily, and above all remember the love.

Testimonial (Submitted by Chris)

How did it "hit" you? In other words, what triggered the experience (i.e. What were you reading, thinking, etc.)?

I've been working with Thassa to get my head around this no self concept and I had a major realization of the fiction of my personality. It hit me when I was reading through your website for what must have been the 4th time and I really just took the time to think it all over, and how there is no such thing as 'laziness' or anything I have assigned to myself and then I very suddenly got a full body tingle and saw a blinding white light on the back of my eyelids and, everything just became so simple. I'm not this or that, I just am. 

2)  Tell me what happened in detail. What did you experience?

As I've said above really, but the main statement that I repeated was "I have no personality" then suddenly I just..realized. Very hard to put into words. 

3)  What insight did you gain from this?

A completely new viewpoint on life. Everything just is. I was so used to the idea of 'me' that I never stopped to question it. 



Testimonial (Submitted by Mike)

1)  How did it "hit" you? In other words, what triggered the experience (i.e. What were you reading, thinking, etc.)?

Thassa was a great help to me and I appreciate her efforts. It happened when "I" was just looking down at my hands and legs and was deciding what they belonged to. It hit me that they cannot belong to "me" if I do not exist. It's impossible. The thoughts that are going through "my" head are merely thoughts. They exist to allow ideas to be solved and allow function of the body, but they are not 'me' and they are not "mine".

There is life and there is experience, but I am not the experiencer.
There is observation. There is looking. I thought that "I" was doing the looking, and that just pointed right back to the mind or the ego.

It was necessary to check if "I" am the accumulation of my past. The past is gone now so how could I be something that no longer exists;
even if "I" thought it accumulated? There are memories and there are lessons learned, but when it really comes down to it, there is really only this point right now and there is existence, but there is no "me".

2)  Tell me what happened in detail. What did you experience?

In the midst of this questioning, I saw that my mind and my body cannot possibly belong to me since I do not exist. This entire time I was holding onto a belief that this was all mine and that my identity was something that I was collecting, but it was simply an illusion. Once it happened, the experience was not necessarily emotional; but it was as though a major change had occurred. A new lens of seeing the world had replaced the old one. Observation of the mind and the body are able to occur now.  

The experience did make me feel happy because of the accomplishment, but it's not like I was overwhelmed (like I said, it was not emotional).  Instead, a better way to explain it is that I could see that joy is always present; and no longer something that is to be longed for.  Searching for anything like that does not make sense anymore, because seeing it right in this moment is what is the truth.

What insight did you gain from this?

I am not enlightened.  Instead, this is simply a foundation. It is a first step. There is now sight and experience, but I am not the seer or the "experiencer". There are tasks that are to be done and there are things I must do, but I am not playing a role because I do not exist. There are only these tasks and goals to be accomplished. The world is much more open now. There is much to gain... not for myself.

Testimonial (Submitted by Robert)

1)  How did it "hit" you? In other words, what triggered the experience (i.e. What were you reading, thinking, etc.)?

had been reading through your site and e-mails and every time it felt like I almost got it, but not quite. There was a sense of freedom and feeling good for a moment and then it would be gone. This would always happen after I almost go t it, but not quite.

At one point in our interaction you had clearly explained everything and you said one thing that made me see it clearly. We were talking about my sense of self, the feeling of "me", the thought of "I".

You said that those were indeed there, but where was this self? Then I looked and clearly saw that it was not there.

2)   Tell me what happened in detail. What did you experience?

I experienced a great sense of freedom. After the insight, I noticed that the old patterns of the mind were still there. It's not like you have this insight and suddenly you're there fully, completely done. At least not for me. But now a process has begun in which the patterns are being corrected, based on the actual truth.

Since it's only been a few days, there's much more to be adjusted. But it happens gradually in a pace that feels comfortable to me.

The more this happens, the more I feel free, relaxed, happy. At first I had a sense of emptiness, some fear about what was going on and confusion. But now the fear and confusion are fading and I'm feeling a great sense of peace more and more.

Also, it's interesting to note that I'm looking at things in a different way. It seems like I have a very clear awareness of things, being very much in the moment and with little thought. This is also something that is happening more and more gradually.
3)  What insight did you gain from this?

Several insights, but I find this question hard to answer at this point, since it's so new. But I'll try:

1 - This false idea of ego can be very damaging.
2 - Seeing the truth makes it possible to truly feel good.
3 - The funny part is that it's not that you see the truth and the ego disappears. It was never there in the first place, you just thought it was. And that thought is false, yet creates so much misery.

There are some more, but it being so new, they still have to sink in. So at this point I can't formulate them clearly.

Testimonial (Submitted by Thassa)

1)  How did it "hit" you? In other words, what triggered the experience (i.e. What were you reading, thinking, etc.)?

That night I was lying in bed thinking that I really wanted to understand, wanted to "break through", and so I imagined myself dying.  While working myself through the dying process, I imagined my life slipping away... imagined the very last moments before sinking into what I thought would be blackness or emptiness. 
2)  Tell me what happened in detail. What did you experience?
I saw my life flashing before my eyes and suddenly got it.  It was actually funny!  I thought, "WAIT!  THAT's IT?!!!"  Amazingly, I saw that what I called "my entire life" was nothing but memories and thoughts reduced to a few seconds.  Years of "living"?  What years?  Poof!  There was no substance.  Nada.  Zilch.  Nothing.  I got a good chuckle out of that one.
Later I tried your exercises and was struck by the multiple personality question.  Again I laughed!  Of course!  It's all a construct that can be plainly seen.  Why not construct two?  Or three!  There's no difference.
Lastly, I tried just plain looking.  Simple looking without expectation, without magical thinking.  I looked at reality around me and saw my computer monitor, desk, lamp, windows, walls, other people, hands, a body... tiny specks of dust.  But no 'me'.  Nowhere.  It was the only thing missing from the picture!  How is it I could see tiny specks of dust easier than I could see a 'me'?  There just had to be no 'me' there, and if I wasn't there, where else could I possibly be?!
This deepened the next morning while driving to work, and I felt the chills/tingly feeling you mentioned.  Tears came.  Laughter came.  A bit of confusion, but it was replaced with a resonance of being.  A certainty of being, though I'm not really clear on this yet.  It's more as though I feel a hint of something.

3) What insight did you gain from this?

There are nearly too many to list.  Every single thing... every thought...every idea is questioned now.  "Other people" are not what I thought they were... yet that's exactly what they WERE.  They were what I thought!  Now it's all more open. 
From the experience of understanding that my life flashed before my eyes in a moment, the concept of time sort of warped.  I saw that there's only Now, Now, Now, but that doesn't always stay in my awareness.  I mostly still live in time.
Words attributed to Jesus or Buddha make a different sort of sense.  They resonate with a new kind of truth that isn't from a religious standpoint.
On the other hand, "My life" makes more sense.  All of it.  My suffering, struggles, challenges... it's all ok.  I've been able to forgive and forget because it was all just happening, and in another sense it feels like it never happened at all.  Like it's just a thought.
I realized that though I've been obsessively seeking for a year, "my whole life" has been one of seeking.  I just didn't know what for, just knew it was for Truth.  I always just wanted to get to the Truth.
Every day, several times a day a new realization comes.  Many are hard to recall or put into words.
But that's it.  I know there's more and can feel it.  I've also read it described or gotten glimpses but am not sure if it's just wishful thinking.... please point.  There no possible way I could thank you enough.  No possible way.

Testimonial (Submitted by Jarid)

1) How did it "hit" you? In other words, what triggered the experience (i.e. what were you reading, thinking, etc.)?

Well, I had read it the first time and, for some reason, I hadn't been able to grasp it fully. It was like it was slowly coming on, but I couldn't get my mind around it. After the first time, I went back and read it a second time and the personality traits part really opened it up for me. Words were just flowing through my head - integrity, pride, out-going, selfish, all of them weren't even real. It's just something I've created in my mind. It's something I have used to define myself, when it really isn't even me (because there is no "me").  When I read, If your Mind (Consciousness) IS "YOU", why did it create a separate Mind (Consciousness) called "YOU"?, over the period of 15 minutes, is when it TRULY hit me, contemplating it, rolling it over in my mind, mulling, and then for another ten minutes. At that point, I barely had to read through the rest, and the equations just reinforced the was outstanding.

2) Tell me what happened in detail. What did you experience?

I was just laying there, in my bed, in the dark, reading it on my laptop screen. I got tingly, almost disconnected from reality at times, like I was living completely inside the mind. I had this insane head rush and then euphoria and there were times where my heart sped up and I started breathing faster just trying to take it all in. By the end, my entire body was tingling with sensation. And then, when I stood up and walked around, things seemed to have a clarity to them. I'm still in a daze to be honest.

3) What insight did you gain from this?

I realized that life is what we perceive, that we are what we perceive, that we act how we perceive things, that everything is about your perception and the perception of others, that is what makes the world go 'round.
And you were right, I do feel somewhat disconnected from my relationship. Even in talking with my girlfriend that I've been with for three years, I found it hard to relate. I mean, its not like it'll destroy my relationship, it's just a weird feeilng. I still love my girlfriend very much, but it just opened up my eyes to so very much. After all, love is a feeling, it is a chemical reaction in my mind, that isn't "WHO" "I" am. It even scares me a bit thinking about it, but then again I'm not even somewhat used to it - I just experienced this an hour ago.

Again, thanks so very much. So much realization - it almost feels like freedom, like, a great weight lifted off the mind, off the soul, off existence.

Testimonial (Submitted by Michael)

1) How did it "hit" you? In other words, what triggered the experience (i.e. what were you reading, thinking, etc.)?

I learned the concepts to help me let go of all concepts. I read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, the Bhagavad Gita, Siddhartha's life story and your page. The website 'annihilated' whatever doubt I had left. It was not my first contact with transcendental knowledge, but it was the last I needed. 
2) Tell me what happened in detail. What did you experience?

I learned to meditate and gained some control over my mind. I kept it quiet because I knew it was only the ego speaking. I was deep in meditation with a friend of mine who also sought enlightenment. Suddenly, I felt this presence at the core of my being, like love, but much stronger than what I had felt before. 

I surrendered to this feeling of love. I was aware of tears falling from my eyes, but I ignored it and focused on my surrender. I felt a presence surround my entire body and I believe I felt a pressure build up in my brain. (It has been said physical changes occur in the brain during the subjective experience of no-self/enlightenment). This pressure was relieved and my body became very still. There was a cessation of thought. I opened my eyes and truly saw for the first time. My friend looked upon me in awe, commenting on my "piercing" gaze.

3) What insight did you gain from this?

I have realized the Truth. God is the life within me, therefore I am God. And God is omnipresent because "He" is within all that is. I recognize my essence everywhere I go and in everyone I see. I take a playful approach to life now. I have noticed some people have difficulty making eye contact with me. Perhaps, deep inside, they recognize who my form is a vessel

Testimonial (Submitted by Racheal)

1) How did it "hit" you? In other words, what triggered the experience (i.e. what were you reading, thinking, etc.)?

I watched a YouTube video called Awakening, and after the video I scrolled down to the comments and someone said, "To awaken, go to So I went. I thought it was something where they charge you, but once I saw that that was not the case, I read it.

2) Tell me what happened in detail. What did you experience?

Well, I was scared at first, but when I read was like I already knew it, but didnt know it, you know? And it was like omg all this time I was thinking of it like: you spirit, then me. I was just frozen. I could not move because it was like my mind was processing it all. And while it was processing, I was still and letting it all add up.

3) What insight did you gain from this?

It makes me look at people in a new way and myself in a new way. It makes so much sense and is so true. It is crazy how much we 'dumb down' through our lifetimes. I'm just happy to know this and I pray I will not lose this. I pray it stays with me because I too understand what Jim Carrey is saying by it being here one minute and then the next, it has gone away. But, I feel this will stick with me. 

Testimonial (Submitted by Steve)

1) How did it "hit" you? In other words, what triggered the experience (i.e. what were you reading, thinking, etc.)?

As you put it, there was “pondering”. Taking the words in.

2) Tell me what happened in detail. What did you experience?

Something in the mind began to go blank. There was a gradual loss of connection or bonding to thought. When the emptiness “took over” laughter and tears occurred spontaneously and without reason. With this was a great sense of relief. 

3) What insight did you gain from this?

There is more (or less) here than I know. I don’t know anything. The mind is presumptuous. 

Testimonial (Submitted by Yann)

Yann sent an e-mail saying:

"I am French and my English is not perfect. You can edit my text if you see mistakes. Thank you in advance to the Webmaster."

1) How did it "hit" you? In other words, what triggered the experience (i.e. what were you reading, thinking, etc.)?
There Is No "YOU "; read this several times with a working internal observation of what is happening in my head.

2) Tell me what happened in detail. What did you experience?

My experience started with the creation of a new observer in my head. I realized that all my thoughts were not me. Then I was in the center of a tree trunk, I saw nothing around, I was like a cell. But I knew there were lots of things around me, but I could not see them, just feel their presence.

I felt the greatest thing in my life. I was everything and everything was me. At the same time I felt a peace eternal, as if nothing mattered. It is hard to explain, but you feel good in this state. At the same time I saw nothing, I was the cell in the tree. It's a really strange feeling, I also felt like it was Christmas every day. We were going to have a big gift. A gift so huge we could not see. Then in my head came a thought. I am. I wanted to know more, but this feeling is gone.

The experience of being everything is incredible. And we all know too. But this is not knowledge that we can share that you can understand. We know, that's all. Why share knowledge if we are all one thing?
We are god, which raises the question: Who am I? And he built all these people to answer this question. Who am I? Who do I want to be? That is the primary occupation of god. We are god, it's unbelievable. It hides itself, what it is to grow. What I felt was not the state of a single soul but of a god that I was; who regained consciousness from what it was in full.

3) What insight did you gain from this?

Experience increases awareness of everything. If someone asks me, Are you in favor of the death penalty? I can not give an opinion because now I'm between yes and no. I became aware of my every thought and I can analyze those thoughts. Sometimes I laugh at my thoughts. I became aware that this is the 5th time that my mind tells me the same thing. I tell my mind to shut up. It could take us for a fool. But who is the crazier of the two? One who identifies with his thoughts or one who is aware of his thoughts and analyzes each decision to be made. Not to give the best answer but to know why I chose it.

I know now that I am immortal. I am not a form. If I die tomorrow, it does not matter. I am everybody and everything. I could give my life for a foreign person. That's what I feel deep within me. I would like to understand more of what we are, but I think what this site offers is the maximum that can be achieved on earth.

Testimonial (Submitted by Ken)

Ken sent an e-mail saying:
"It really is so simple, yet hard to put into words. Words don't work. And thanks, really thanks. You really taught me something important."

1) How did it "hit" you? In other words, what triggered the experience (i.e. What were you reading, thinking, etc.)?

As I began to read, I slowly felt it hit me. It kind of came on slow, but it really got me near the end of reading. I felt like this for the rest of the night, and then the next morning when I went to school. Seeing so many people was a little overwhelming after having this experience, but I was okay.

2) Tell me what happened in detail. What did you experience?

Well, in the weeks before I found the webpage, I was researching DMT on google and youtube. I found an article talking about Jim Carrey, and his spiritual experience. This was the day before I found the webpage. The next day I searched Jim Carrey's video on youtube. There was a link to the website in a comment on the video. I proceeded to the site and I began to read.  At first I was pretty confused, especially when I got to the part with the questions. I pondered them for a good 15-20 minutes, but I couldn't really grasp anything. The whole time I was reading I felt a little uneasy, maybe even a little scared. It wasn't until I got to the math equations when it hit me: it was so simple. At this point my body was tingly all over, and my heart began to race.

I had been trying to find a way to look past my ego, and I finally had found it. I felt great, I felt a release. I was so astonished by what had happened. I was one with everything. I felt a change in my actual vision, I actually saw things differently. I kept thinking about this experience all night, and the feeling continued also. It was very hard to sleep. Every time I would come close to falling asleep, and I was consciously aware of falling asleep, I would immediately wake up and feel extremely nauseous. The nausea only lasted for that split second though. I was very confused, but I was fine, calm. My room looked so different. At this time I felt...kind of like a pulsation I guess in the middle of my brain. I truly thought I was going to have some kind of spiritual vision if I fell asleep. I'm not really sure if I slept that night, but I didn't exactly feel tired the next day...just kind of in a daze.

I felt really strange when I got to school. Being in the hallway with so many other people sort of overwhelmed me at first. Everything was just different. When I walk through the hallways now, I see all the way down, over everyone's head....this is the best way I can describe it. I used to just see the little area around myself, but my vision is now expanded. The rest of my school day was great, I felt really good, really free. All day today I've felt very light, like I've been lifted or something. My body feels very relaxed, and my mind is at peace.

3) What insight did you gain from this?

I see now the illusion of ego. I feel I've lost the capacity to hate people, I just can't after having this experience. How could I hate another person if we are all part of something grand, something small......even nothing but still everything? This might sound weird but, it's hard to put this idea to words, they don't exactly work. I want to pass the experience onto others, and I truly believe this site is a great start. I mean, it helped me.... We must see that we are all part of the same thing. I'm truly thankful, from the bottom of my being, for what you have taught me. It is so beautiful and simple. Please continue to reach as many people as you can, and I will too. Again, thank you, I hope we will meet in another place. Love to you brother.

Testimonial (Submitted by Rich)

Rich sent an e-mail saying:

"The experience of no-self occurred yesterday. Today it went deeper to a complete release of all thinking as being "me". i am free. Jim echoes the experience of it very well.
1) How did it "hit" you? In other words, what triggered the experience (i.e. What were you reading, thinking, etc.)?

It didn't "hit". It was more like a slow release. Or an untying of a knot. Which still continued all day yesterday. It started to open in this mind when on your page, reading slowly (as instructed) the part where you asked to ponder for 15 minutes. There's the part about, "If your Consciousness IS "YOU", why did it create another "YOU" to be Consciousness also?" All of these questions and the pondering thereof, triggered it.
2) Tell me what happened in detail. What did you experience?

That day began as usual with reviewing emails. One of the emails contained a link to Typed in the web address. Looked at the screen and saw black. Began reading, slowly, looking for complete understanding. It was at this point that an increase in heartrate and increased loudness of heartbeat were noticed.

As the awakening began, there was a relaxation of muscles and tendons of the right knee. Like a knot slowly releasing. This release continued to where it felt like the whole body was experiencing it. It was quite subtle though. It was very noticeable within the brain (release or undoing of a knot). Did have to close eyes to fully grasp what was happening and things felt a little other (no words to really express what it was in the mind). It also felt a little frightening and a comparison of looking over the edge of a very tall building would be a great metaphor. A sense of lightness of being became apparent.

It is easy to understand, harder to experience and even harder to explain. Language is inadequate for this. Maybe a painting could express it...sometimes it feels like a light is shining on a truth or reality that was always there, but not looked at.....or something has been turned over and uncovered and once discovered can never be covered again...sometimes it just feels like being startled.

The rest of that day felt like there was a very heightened awareness in the mind. It continued to yesterday (3/4/11) with a huge realization as my body passed by a mirror and the realization of no-self un-locked. That is how it felt, like a lock was released...liberation has been won.

3) What insight did you gain from this?

The thoughts and emotions that occur within this mind are illusion. They are not me. It is ego that makes us believe it and ego is illusion. It's right there in front of all of us, yet we don't see, or refuse to see. It is a tiny thing. It is a huge thing. It is everything and ultimately nothing. It is something to let us see our true situation and then to be let go.
This is wonderful!  I'll be sending you some material and some possible books to read for guidance on your "pathway".

THANK YOU. My life will never be the same. Thank you for clarifying it and distilling it. It's all that was needed to crack open the realization and when looked at it, is there always.....shining. Free.
The Truth is always simple, it is the lie that is complex.

so simple......
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